Friday, March 25, 2011

more quotes/i'm turning into leah


I read a lot while I’m here. It’s wonderful.  I’ve never been a big quote person, but Leah has inspired me, and, well, maybe quotes aren’t so bad.  Here’s what stood out to me from a few of the books I read recently:

“There is a basin in the mind where words gloat around thought and thought on sound and sight. Then there is a depth of thought untouched by words, and deeper still a gulf of formless feeling untouched by thought.” –Their Eyes Were Watching God

“Love ain’t somethin’ lak uh grindstone dat’s de same thing everywhere and do de same thing tuh everything it touch. Love is like da sea. It’s ah movin’ thing, bit still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it’s different with every shore.”—Their Eyes Were Watching God

“The polar Eskimos of Northwest Greenland call the polar bear pisugtoag, the great wanderer…the bear is a great wanderer not solely because it travels far, but because it travels with curiosity and tirelessly.”—Arctic Dreams

“They [the Eskimo’s] have a quality of muannarpaq, of taking extravagant pleasure in being alive; and they delight in finding it in other people.”—Arctic Dreams

“This is a timeless wisdom that survives failed human economies. It survives wars. It survives [some word I can’t read because I have messy handwriting]. It is a nameless wisdom esteemed by all people. It is understanding how to live a decent life, how to behave properly toward other people and toward the land.”—Arctic Dreams. 

“I thought about the great desire among friends and colleagues and travelers who meet on the road, to share what they know, what they have seen and imagined.  Not to have shared understanding, but to share what one has come to understand.”—Arctic Dreams

“What every culture must eventually decide, actively debate and decide, is what of all that surrounds it, tangible and intangible, it will dismantle and turn into material wealth. And what of its cultural wealth, from the tradition of finding peace in the vision of an undisturbed hillside to a knowledge of how to finance a corporate merger, it will fight to preserve.”—Arctic Dreams. 

These next are form a book about Bliss. I forget if the name is Atlas of Bliss or Geography of Bliss or what, but it’s something along those lines. 

“You see. Everything is a dream. Nothing is real. You will realize that one day.”—Bliss

“Happiness is relationships, and people in the West think money is needed for relationships.  But its it’s not. It comes down to trustworthiness.”—Bliss

“I would not have done anything differently. A;; of the moments in my life, everyone I have met, every trip I have taken, every success I have enjoyed, every blunder I have made, every loss I have endured has been just right. I’m not saying they were all good or that they happened for a reason—I don’t buy that brand of pop fatalism—but they have been right”—Bliss.

“in transit. If two sweeter words exist in the English language I have yet to hear them.  Suspended between coming and going, neither here not there, my mind slows, and, amid the duty-free shops and PA announcements, I achieve something approaching calm.”—Bliss

“Perhaps it’s true that you can’t go back in time, but you can return to the scene of a love, of a crime, of happiness, and of a fateful decision; the places are what remains, are what you can possess, are what is immortal.”—Bliss

“”Necessity may be the mother of invention, but interdependence is the mother of affection. We humans need one another, so we cooperate for purely selfish reasons at first. At some point, though, the needing fades and all that remains is the cooperation.”—Bliss

“Your imagination must, to some extent, be found in a realm beyond reason because it begins with imagining a future reality: the self that you might become.”—Bliss

“Hope is sheer anchor of every man when hope is destroyed, great grief follows, which is almost equal to death itself.”—Bliss

“Everyone is swaddled in the inevitable present moment.”—Bliss

The next series of quotes are from For the Sake of Peace: Seven Paths to Global harmony—a Buddhist Perspective By: Daisaku Ikeda

“What cruel demands nationalism makes on the lives of ordinary people!”

“…with the hope and conviction that as citizens of the world, we can discover our common humanity.. that, of course, is the basis for all efforts for peace.”

“What is needed to advance human history, to move from darkness to light, from despair to hope, from killing to coexistence? What light can dispel the gloom and illuminate the expanses of the next thousand years? These are questions we must ask ourselves in all earnestness.”

“In light of the globalization of financial, environmental and health issues, domestic problems cannot be solved without addressing international ones.  People must be interested, he (Boutros Boutros-Ghali) said, not only in their own countries but also in international conditions.”

“The central issue of the current era is crushing poverty. There can be no peace where hunger reigns.”

“War has held humankind in its irrevocable grip throughout history; it is the source of all evil. War normalizes insanity—the kind that does not hesitate to destroy human beings like so many insects and tears all that is human and humane to shreds, producing an unending stream of refugees.”

“Peace cannot be a mere stillness, a quiet interlude between wars. It must be a vital and energetic arena of life activity, won through our own volitional, proactive efforts.  Peace must be a living drama—in Spinoza’s words, ‘a virtue that springs from force of character.; Eternal peace is a continuum consciously maintained through the interactions of self-restraining individuals within a self-restraining society.”

“Communist regimes toppled because for too long they sought enemies outside of themselves, not attempting to see the evils they harbored within.”

“But life is never a material, a substance to be molded. If you want to know, life is the principle of self-renewal, it is constantly renewing and remaking and changing and transfiguring itself, it is infinitely beyond your or my obtuse theories about it.”—Pasternak

“The greater self of Mahayana Buddhism is another way of expressing the openness and expansiveness f character that embrace the sufferings of all people as one’s own.  This self always seeks ways of alleviating the pain and augmenting the happiness of others, here, amid the realities of everyday life.  only the solidarity brought about by such natural human nobility will break down the isolation of the modern self and lead to the dawning of new hope for civilization.”  

“The real seeds of peace lie not in lofty ideas but in human understanding and the empathy of ordinary people.”

“Whether at war or not, people are not so easily drawn into committing violence against others if they sense the others’ concrete, personal existence. This is especially true among people who know well and live near one another.”

“Overcoming negative attachments to difference—discrimination—and bringing about a true flowering of human diversity are the keys to generating a lasting culture of peace. And dialogue is the means to achieve this active tolerance.”

“If more people were to pursue dialogue in an equally unrelenting manner, the inevitable conflicts of human life would surely find easier resolution. Prejudice would yield to empathy, and war would give way to peace.  Genuine dialogue results in the transformation of opposing viewpoints, changing them from wedges that drive people apart into bridges that link them together.” 

“Tolerance is more than just a mental attitude; it must grow out of a sense of larger order and coexistence, a cosmic sensibility that issues up from the deepest wellsprings of life.”

“According to a United nations’ report, roughly 5% of the world’s annual expenditures on defense would be sufficient to ensure enough good, water, health and education for all the people on the planet during the same period.”

“I believe strongly in the latent power of people. To awaken people to their own power, education is necessary.  People need teachers. Today, it seems to me, we are hearing the call for education in global form. In more concrete terms, the course of education must include such currently vital problems as environment, development, peace and human rights…in all four of these essential categories, education must go beyond national boundaries and seek values applicable to all humanity.”

“The essence of goodness is the aspiration toward unity, while evil directs itself toward division or sundering.”

“Only through learning can we open the spiritual windows of humanity…”

“The inherent role of religion can be defined as taking human hearts that are divided and connecting them through a universal human spirit.  Arnold Toynbee addressed that goal when he wrote, ‘At a time when people with very different traditions, faiths, and ideals have come into sudden and close contact with one another, the survival of humankind requires that people be willing to live with one another and to accept that there is more than one path to truth and salvation.’”

“ ‘The meaning of the imperial past is not totally contained within it, but has entered the reality of hundreds of millions of people, where its existence as shared memory and as a highly conflictual texture of culture, ideology, and policy still exercises tremendous force.’”—Edward Said

“To be maximally effective, legal and structural reforms must be supported by a corresponding revolution in consciousness—the development of the kind of universal humanity that transcends differences from within.” 

“ ‘There are no ‘homeless’ words. Humans are the homes of words, their sovereign masters…words live within us. They leave and return to us. They serve us devotedly from the moment we are born until we die. Words carry the burden of the world of soul and the vastness o the cosmos.’”—Chingiz Aitmatov

“ ‘[the true aspect of life] cannot be burned by the fires at the end of a kalpa, nor swept away by floods, not cut by swords or pierced by arrows. It can fit into a mustard seed, and althug the mustard seed does ot expand, there is no need for life to shrink.  It can fill the entire universe. The cosmos is neither too vast nor life too small to fill it.’”—Nichiren

“the symbol for the third millennium…should rather be that of a constellation—a society based on respect for the value of cultural pluralism. The image of a constellation is apt. it evokes the brilliance of many individual stars. Their grouping creates a beautiful constellation, and yet each star’s beauty is unimpaired, on the contrary, the contrary, the splendor of the night scy lies in their diversity.”

“Each living thing, in other words, has a distinct character, individuality and purpose in this world. accordingly, people should develop their own unique capabilities as they work to build a world of cooperation where all people acknowledge both their differences and their fundamental equality, a world where diversity of peoples and cultures is nourished, each enjoying respect and harmony.” 

“Art is the irrepressible expression of human spirituality. So it is now, and so it has always been. Into each of the myriad concrete forms of art is ompressed the symbol of ultimate reality. The creation of a work of art essentially takes place within spatial boundaries, but through the process of creating, the soul of the artist seeks union with the ultimate reality, what might be called the cosmic life. a living work of art is life itself, born form the dynamic fusion of the self (the microcosm) and the universe )the macrocosm).”

“As a young Christian man I conceived of God as a rather fatherly figure, one who was paternal and watched over all of us down here on earth. Maybe he pulled a string or two to make things happen and kind of guided our lives. After having seen space, I was impressed by the great universal order of things. Today, I think that order of things in the universe is what we call God, or what other religions call something else.  God is the understanding we have that there is order to all things in the universe. It is from this feeling of religion that I believe there is a common universality of all men. I think that is the basis for an understanding of the world community.” 

“It goes without saying that effective assistance from industrialized countries is essential if developing countries are to escape form poverty. Ultimately, however, success depends on the internal efforts of the poorer countries to develop themselves, and the key to this lies in education.”

“A vicious cycle plagues nations of the South, our close neighbors on this one-and-only earth, linking poverty, population growth, and environmental destruction.”

“What Berdjaev calls existential time is experienced when we break free of the fallen time of daily inertia. It is the experience of joy and sense of fulfillment that comes from seizing the moment and fulfilling one’s innate human mission.”

“The existence of world citizens and national independence, of course, are not opposed to each other. In today’s world it is fully possible to deepen one’s national and cultural identities and to take a broad look at the entire world while working for humanity.”

“ ‘Extinction is more terrible—is the more radical nothingness—because extinction ends death just as surely as it ends birth and life. death is only death; extinction is the death of death.’”—Jonathan Schell

“Trust in nuclear arms is a negation of trust in humanity. The more people trust in arms, the less they trust one another. Ceasing to put their trust in arms is the only way to cultivate mutual trust among peoples.”

“Poverty is a key cause of conflict, which in turn further aggravates poverty. Severing this vicious cycle would simultaneously lead to the eradication of one of the causes of war and resolve this global justice. Removing the causes of war and poverty that menace human dignity will enhance enjoyment of human rights,”

“The initiative to build a world without nuclear arms and a world without war lies in the hands of every individual. We have to embrace this conviction and be cognizant of our responsibility in that task.”


“Peace is not something to be left to others in distant places. It is something we create day to day in our efforts to cultivate care and consideration for others, forging bonds of friendship and trust in our respective communities through our own actions and example.
            As we enhance our respect for the sanctity of life and human dignity through our daily behavior and steadyefforts toward dialogue, the foundations for a culture of peace will deepen and strengthen, allowing a new global civilization to blossom. When each person is aware and committed, we can prevent society from relapsing into the culture of war and foster and nurture energy toward the creation of a century of peace.
            The human spirit is endowed with the ability to transform even the most difficult circumstances, creating value and ever richer meaning. When each person brings this limitless spiritual capacity to full flower, and when ordinary citizens unite in a commitment to positive change, a culture of peace—a century of life—will come into being.” 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

God's plan?

While I’m here I hear certain phrases often. One is, “Filippinos are the most hospitable people in the world.” I also hear, “it’s a part of God’s plan,” “there’s a reason for it,” “just accept what God has given you.” 

I really struggle with the notion that things such as domestic abuse, malnutrition and poverty are a part of God’s plan and that people should accept them because it’s what God has ordained for a particular person’s life.  I don’t think it’s God’s plan for a child to be abused.  I think this is the result of some great human downfall or sin or whatever you want to call it.  Sure, God or the Universe or the Cosmos or Life or whatever you call It can use these tragedies, these pains and sufferings, and turn them into good…can offer hope out of them, but I disagree with the notion that one should accept such a life and do nothing to change it solely because it’s what God wants.  My heart would suggest that God actually wants these things to dissipate.  God wants us to unite around these people to alleviate their pains.  I can’t adopt a practice of silence when I hear and see so much suffering.  Should we just let people whither away until there’s nothing else because it was God’s plan for them to go through these trials?  What happens when the person is so defeated they are no longer able to laugh and dream, no longer to treat others with dignity and respect. Is that also part of the plan?  I don’t think we should use religion or belief in a higher being as justification and reason for a lack of human intervention. 
A pattern of acceptance of such human injustices will make them the norm of a society. God a cruel God, and people without a personal concept of power or strength or worth. Instead of evolving into a community where the individual is loss and the whole is empowered and supported, a group will digress into individuals blind to the needs of their neighbors.  If we believe God is working in us and through us, and if we believe God is love, then we must actively love and support those in need instead of justifying all that is wrong. 


i just saw this quote and i think it goes well with this concept: "We could sit and beg God to change India, Pattaya, Cambodia or whatever other oppressive situation you could mention, but I don't think that's the point: I don't think it's up to us to twist God's arm into fighting injustice, I think it's up to us to get on and fight it ourselves, to look around and realise quite how well God has equipped us to transform our communities and global neighbours. Like I said before; we're God's hands and feet, if we want to be serious about our faith we don't have any choice other than to act." -Aaron Boyd from Bluetree

Friday, March 18, 2011

isolation dilemma


Isolation is a strange thing.  It’s also strange how and where human beings find isolation. 

I don’t think isolation is healthy, hence the mental and emotional degradation of prisoners put in solitary confinement. I’ve already rambled enough about my thoughts on human connections and our purpose being found in relationships with other people, so I don’t need to delve into that now. 

Okay I took a long break from writing and I forget where that thought was going, so I’ll just start from where my thoughts are at the moment.

A significant part of the peace corps experience is the isolation.  Leah made me a collage/letter/card before I left. On it was a quote by a past peace corps volunteer about the struggles one faces in the peace corps.  The quote was by a woman who said the hardest part of the peace corps isn’t the physical adjustments you make (i.e. no running water or electricity or the influx of rats you begin to sleep with every night), but the time you have by yourself with nothing to do but think. I’m only 7 months into my time here, but I would have to say I agree with her. 

Alison and I were just skyping (thank God for modern technology and for Alison)  a few hours ago, and we were sharing stories and thoughts about the isolation peace corps faces you to face.  No one will ever know or understand your two years at site.  There’s no way around this. No matter how much your closest friends or family members seek to genuinely comprehend and share your time away, it is impossible.  Even volunteers in the same country won’t fully grasp your experience, as you are in a different environment, different type of community, with different people.  You are isolated in your experience of being a stranger in a new culture, attempting to speak a new language, struggling to understand all that is new and all that you must adopt for two years. 

You might think I’m blowing this out of proportion, and maybe it’s true.  You might say, well you have an island of people to share your life and experiences with.  Yes, I live with an island full of people, but no matter how hard any of them try they will never fully understand me or my interpretation and/or feelings about different things in their societies.  They aren’t American and haven’t come from my culture. 

Therefore, I am alone in this experience. 

While I think it’s a good thing for me right now at this point in my life, it gives me the chance to figure out who I am and what I want and what I believe to be truth and what I can offer to the world, it makes me want my future experiences abroad to be shared with at least someone else. 

This is a hard thing for me recognize because I’m one of those people that likes to say you should eb pushed out of your comfort zone, you should live with people other than you, you should learn how to adapt to something new and you should be flexible enough to adopt different cultural beliefs and practices, yet here I am saying I think it’s good for people to experience time abroad with other people like themselves. 

It seems hypocritical.

I do think it’s important to be stretched and pushed and challenged by living with people different than yourself. I don’t think the world can know peace until relationships are formed across borders of race, religion, language ethnicity, political standing, and material wealth.  I don’t think we can truly know ourselves until these things are done, and until we learn the unwavering strength of diversity, however I think there is great value in having someone who understands you, who you can talk to, and grow with while you are in these new places experiencing life from a different perspective.  We need relationships.  Sometimes in order to fully understand something we need input from someone coming from a similar perspective as us who has a different interpretation of what’s new. They can help us discover what we are really seeing and feeling and thinking. 

I think what I’m feeling at the moment explains why the world is so divided and why people seem to resort back to the comforts of groups that are similar to them.

Basically, I don’t know what any answers are, and I’m grateful for this challenge I’m currently experiencing. I think it’s a good thing for people to be challenged in these ways, but I also don’t know if I want an entire life of such challenge, of being “alone” in my lives abroad. 

p.s. I think it’s obnoxious when I see large groups of foreigners abroad and I usually refuse to acknowledge their presence.  I think no matter what you do or where you go you should tread lightly so as not to disturb the order of things in your new community. 

I guess what all this means is I feel isolated in my time here, as it’s a time that only I will have. It’s neither a good nor a bad thing.  just something that will further contribute to the way I respond to whatever life reveals to me next. 

Black History Month


Black history month has come and gone. It’s an interesting process to try to teach people in such a homogonous place about the struggle of race relations, discrimination and reconciliation.  My students were beyond startled to realize that the American dream isn’t filled with as much prosperity and equal opportunity as they imagine it to be.  Through all of our discussions they felt very connected to the African Americans because they consider themselves “black.”  We watched the Malcolm X movie and listened to martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.    We talked about civil disobedience and the debate between using violence or peace to achieve social change. We talked about the manipulation of religion to gain support for social movements, as well as the purity of religion to inspire hope and encourage strength during times of trouble. 

For this blog i originally had a five page rant about the inequalities in the United States between races today. I wrote how disturbing it is such a significant part of our population is only recognized and celebrated for a single month of every year.  I retold a heartbreaking dialogue I’ve been a part of too many times about African Americans in gangs, dealing drugs, living in poverty, dropping out of school etc etc etc. 

But, Black History month is to celebrate, not to mourn (although I’m not sure these two things are all that different), so I want to use this time and space to reflect on the many beautiful lives that have, and continue to, bless the world with their music, literature, language, fashion, love, family ties, and innovations.  It’s a silent reflection as it’s hard for me to think about all of these people, and all of these things, without being devastated and irate about so many of our societal perceptions and stereotypes of African Americans. 

As Martin Luther King Jr wisely reminds us, “their (white people) freedom is inextricably bound to our (African American) freedom.” Let us work towards a future of equality and unity among all people. Let us not forget the blood that makes us each human.  Let us never steal the dignity of another man or woman despite religion, race, ethnicity, language, but rather let us join in jubilant celebration and praise such diversity. 

Friday, March 11, 2011

return to olongapo


There’s a beauty to going someplace new—someplace you don’t yet know that doesn’t know you, where anything can be.  But, there’s also something beautiful to returning someplace familiar where people know you, where people have shared moments of their lives with you and you with them. 

Olongapo has to be one of the worst cities you could imagine in the world.  Just think what would happen if you allowed thousands of, mostly young, military men desperate to escape conflict and in need of female companionship to lay out a city.  That’s what Olongapo is.  Since it’s creation is has grown and expanded without, it appears, a hint of urban planning. One club in top of the other for streets upon streets. Said streets are filled with so many exhaust pouring vehicles that within literally a few minutes of my arrival (while I was still on the bus, but it had open windows) my fingernails were filled with black something or another.  There is garbage everywhere and it’s impossible to escape the, often sour, sounds of videoke spilling from the grungy clubs through flimsy house walls into your space.  Girls are displayed on the street prepped for auction and the smell of cheap alcohol suffocates you anytime a man you’ve never met comes near you to serenade you with a song.  The city is hot, it’s all the cement and the lack of trees, and shit river reeks of a stench that accurately describes its title. 

Yet, there was something peaceful about being getting off the bus and fighting against the all too aggressive offers for a trike ride.  There was something safe about weaving through this ally and that to reach a jeepney stop.  There was something refreshing about driving down Magsaysay Ave and inhaling the amount of toxins a cigarette addict might ingest over a years time in only a matter of minutes.  I was back to the place that first welcomed me to, or forced me to accept, the Philippines. 

Before I went to my host families’ house I admit I ventured across the bridge into SBMA in order to get a vegetabe sandwhich.  It was worth the trek through the eerie establishment.  I was astonished how much has changed in just four months.  There is a market where the entrance to SBMA used to be. The old mall is torn down. A new mall is built. The lady I would give food every time I walked to SBMA was gone.  I met an American woman, my first one that isn’t in the peace corps or a missionary (actually she made me pretty upset cause she dropped 45 pesos in the jeepney behind the seat cushion and instead of trying to get it she said “don’t worry about it, it’s only some change.” That change could buy me lunch for a week at my site.  She then talked about how her husband gambles 10,000,000 pesos a day at the casino.  That’s more than I earn in a month and certainly more than many Filipinos make in a month, yet she had no sense of gratitude for the money or realization of what  they were taking for granted and throwing away). 

I then ventured to my house. I have no idea how many people live in Olongapo, but it’s a decent sized city.  By decent, I mean it’s pretty large.  The point is, as I was walking I ran into two people I knew.  It was so nice to see their faces and to see that they remembered me. then the pandasal lady I would always buy from saw me walk by and asked me a lot about my site and how I’m doing there and what not. It was such a good feeling to see these people again.

I continued walking and noticed more changes. There used to be a house next to ours. It was just a shanty, but still, someone lived there. It has been destroyed to build a large apartment complex.  This made me sad, but luckily later in the night I saw the little boy who used to live there.

Then I got into my house and was welcomed by my host sisters and host mom. I really missed them and couldn’t believe how nice it was to see them again.  I then was informed that my host mom is pregnant. 4 months.  That means right after I left.  They have asked me to be the godmother, so in October I’ll return for the baptism. I can’t believe it.  my host dad wanted to have a son but my host mom had said no more kids. I figured there would be no more kids. I never even imagined she would be pregnant the next time I saw her. They are all thrilled and have decided to name him (I don’t know what they’ll do if it’s a she) Renz. My host dad’s name is Randy and my host mom’s name is Liza, so they took the R and the Z to get Renz.  There are also two new families in my house, both of which are very friendly and comfortable people for me. My host dad now also sells French fries, my old room is empty.  And on a walk I saw the lady from the bridge now sleeps a few blocks away.  She was surrounded by cats as she was sleeping. It reminded me how incredible the relationships between animals and people are.

The biggest, and most heartbreaking, change for me is that one of the girls who stays in one of the other rooms is no longer here. If I remember correctly she is about 18.  Everyone is excited cause she got a job in Subic as a dancer.  Subic is not a good place for a girl as stunning and young as she is to be a dancer.  She apparently works at a place called the white rock and I’m not sure anyone realizes what she is doing there. They say she dances and models, but I’m afraid the truth isn’t as simple as that.   All I could imagine are all those gambling old drunken white men.  It makes me disgusted, and it makes me want to freeze my host sisters in their young ages where they still jump around and laugh and sing.  I pray that they will never be in the same position. 

I think I just wanted to write this because it’s all crazy. So much has changed and happened in such a short period of time. I feel I’m in a coma of time on Anda. I never know what is happening anywhere in the world, let alone anywhere else in the Philippines.  And not that the destruction of one mall and the creation of another is really all that noteworthy, but it makes me realize how much other things will probably change before I come back to the states.  Several friends have gotten married, and will continue to get married before I return. Babies will be born and little kids will grow up.  Things as simple as music will change.  The places that once looked familiar to me will be different. That’s a strange thing to realize. 

I get angry when people say they joined the peace corps cause they weren’t ready for real life yet.  I hate those words. Real life.  of course this is real life. it’s real life for so many people.  It’s not some fictitious place with imagined people and stories and events.  But, it’s true to an extent.  If real life means the life you can talk about with other people, the life you live and work through with other people, then this isn’t exactly real.  Actually, I’ll save this for a different post.
The other thing I realized is maybe being in a place you become immune to realizing the change around you.  maybe Olongapo changed a lot while I was here but because it happened day after day I didn’t notice it. it was subtle.  How much is happening around us everyday that we don’t notice, that we don’t take the time to observe?


but at the same time things are the same. Jo-el still sleeps under the stairs. the toilet still leaks all over the cr floor.  i still wake up to basketball games outside my house. i still sneak into mdonalds to steal their wifi.  


Time is in constant motion but always still