After a day and a half of being able to think about
little more than the Steubenville rape case, I thought it was time to write.
Nothing I say here will be new or add any sort of insight/perspective to
what happened in Ohio, but I need to write for my sake. I need to write because
I'm angry, and I'm sad, and I'm disappointed and I'm disgusted.
Less than six months ago the world rallied and
mourned together over the death of a 23 year old Indian woman who was brutally
gang raped and killed. Americans were outraged. How could such a terrible thing
happen "over there?" For many people "Congo" and "rape" have become synonymous. How come in "certain parts of the world"
women still need to live in fear of rape and sexual violence? Then, when
a woman is raped in the U.S. we (not everyone, but an alarming amount of the
country, including CNN) sympathize with the rapists.
I didn't know this happened or that this case was
going on until yesterday afternoon. Within minutes of reading my first facebook
post about it, it started to be all I saw. I began to read about it on numerous
blogs and news sites. The more I read and the more I saw, the more my mind was
blown and the more I began to feel physically sick.
Rape Culture in the United States has been a particularly
hot topic since the attention placed on Delhi. I don't think it's shocking that
I'm appalled by the gender stereotypes the U.S. struggles with, or the
sexism engrained in our social, political and economic structures too few
Americans recognize. But, a couple months ago I wasn't prepared to say there is
a strong rape culture in the U.S. Maybe I didn't want to admit this.
Maybe I was in denial and didn't want to think that my brothers, my friends,
and my friend's son were developing their identities, or being raised, in
such a society. Maybe I didn't want to believe that every woman, myself
included, had been raised in a society that places the responsibility of rape
on the victim. Maybe I wanted to believe we, as a society, have moved beyond this point.
However, after months of further contemplation, and, finally, the response
to the rape in Steubenville, I can't deny that there is a strong rape culture
not only in other parts of the world, but in the United States as well. In the
United States it's so engrained in our system that sometimes it's hard to
recognize, or, in my case, hard to admit, but it's there and it affects all of
us. While the statistic that 1 in 3 women will
experience some form of sexual assault in their lifetime is commonly known, I
don't think many people understand what this looks like for those women who
make up that 1 in 3.
The boys who raped the girl in Ohio have been
raised in a society that they felt would find amusement in their 12 minute clip
mocking this "dead," "dry," girl (video clip of boys joking about the girl).
While it is clear that most people are outraged by what they did, it is also
clear that there isn't enough pressure being put on men to prevent rape.
It is clear that there is a problem with our country when a female news
reporter can sympathize so openly with two rapists (CNN Clip).
When I was in the Philippines some of my students
had to suffer through rape and other forms of sexual harassment. This was
the first time that I was in a position to teach youth about rape and sexual
harassment. It was the first time I heard adults try to teach youth about these
two significant things (I don't remember ever learning about rape in middle
school or high school). I couldn't believe the things being said during "the
rape talk" at my school in the Philippines. Some of the highlights are 1)
if a girl doesn't want to get raped she should dress more conservatively, 2) if
a girl is raped then it is part of God's plan for her life and she should learn
from it, 3) if a girl is raped she should not talk about it because it will
bring her family many problems and it will alienate her from her community,
often leading to more harassment and ridicule, and 4) men have no control over themselves if they see the slightest bit of skin on a woman.
When I first heard these things I was so angry that
I interjected even though it wasn't my time to speak. I told the students I
didn't agree with any of these things and that I would be more than willing to
meet with them for one on one meetings about any sort of abuse or harassment
they have experienced. That's all I had time to say before I was ushered away
from the podium. I realize that wasn't the most culturally sensitive way to
handle the situation, but I couldn't sit still and let my kids hear these
things. I couldn't let girls who have gone through one of the most traumatic
things a person can experience in his/her life be criminalized for the violations against them.
In each of my classes for the rest of the week we
talked about rape, sexual harassment and sexism. We talked about the negative
effects of putting the blame on the victim for both men and women. Students
asked questions and I answered as best as I could. During my private meetings
with students I learned just how many of them suffered from some degree of
abuse, which for most of the girls took on the form of sexual abuse. I couldn't
believe how rampant this was, and even more astounding was that my boys were
going to grow up to be the fathers, uncles and neighbors that could one day be
capable of inflicting so much pain on a young girl or woman.
With this recognition some of our sessions were
divided by sex so that the boys could have a different session than the girls.
I was amazed to hear some of the thoughts the boys had about rape and sexual
harassment. I was equally amazed by their desire to better understand the
dangers of these things. They had thought sexual violence was "bad" because
it were "dirty," but initially not many seemed to think there were problems with entitlement, objectification, morality or abuse. They said men
would never boast about doing any of these things, but that it was common
knowledge that many men did them. They also said the men weren't responsible for their
actions because it happened after drinking alcohol or when the girl was bad or
when the girl was being too seductive (i.e. wearing too little clothing).
How do you combat such a mentality? How do you change something that has
been engrained in a person's mind by their female teachers and their mothers?
How do you demonstrate that the hardcore, very violent, porn (one of the
regulars that played on the bus between Anda and Alaminos was of a girl being
unwillingly gang raped and then buried in the dirt to be trampled on by horses)
they see on a bus isn't funny or acceptable treatment for
another human being?
All of this made me think a lot about my own
life--my own experiences, my own education, my own culture. I went to a
university that handed out rape whistles to women and invited women to attend a
self defense class to protect us from rape. Great, protections. But, what
about the men? Were they being taught not to hurt women, not to objectify
women? When a boyfriend got too angry, or when "good Christian
men" took advantage of a lady who got "too drunk" what resources
were available for the women to help them recover? Where
could someone get help when her boyfriend was too forceful and wouldn't listen
to her when she said no? When a lady did go for help, what happened to the guy who
violated her in some way?
While I've heard a lot of stories from a lot of
different women, I can't say for sure what APU had in place for these
situations. Therefore, I can't legitimately criticize them. However, I
can criticize the fact that women didn't feel they would have a voice, or be
validated and supported, if they did seek help from the school. This is a common problem across the U.S. Women, just like my students in the Philippines, fear if they bring awareness to he violence they experience then they will be stigmatized or ridiculed. They fear, like in the Ohio case, people will react against them. They fear what people will think of them. They fear fear, and sometimes think it is better to blame themselves for what has happened to them than to bare the idea that some people do unspeakable things to other people without reason, and sometimes we don't have control over the actions of other people.
I read today that the victim in the Steubenville rape case has not forgiven the boys who raped her. This was a bit stunning and the first thing I've read directly about her (a lot of feminist bloggers and writers outraged by CNN have written about the overall situation and how there should be more emphasis put on her, but I've heard very little specifically about how she is right now). I know that forgiveness is a powerful thing and has the ability to help a person heal through the traumas they have endured. I know that it is a freeing experience and one that allows you to experience a lot of joy, but is anyone surprised she hasn't forgiven these boys at this point in time?
They violated her personhood. They, and everyone who continues to criticize her, have jeopardized her trust in people, particularly in men. While being the victim of rape is not her entire identity, it will forever be with her and something she may see when she looks in the mirror--an identity she didn't choose. It will be a reminder of weakness and vulnerability. It is something many of us will forget once this news story blows over, but something she will relive countless times.
As a culture, we need to change this. We need to create a world that is safe for women. A world that supports, loves, and strengthens a 16 year old girl who was brutally treated. A world that teaches responsibility, compassion and empathy. A world that, instead of creating fear out of our most vulnerable moments, is safe and stable and allows us to create our own identities free of abuse.
