isolation dilemma

Isolation is a strange thing.  It’s also strange how and where human beings find isolation. 

I don’t think isolation is healthy, hence the mental and emotional degradation of prisoners put in solitary confinement. I’ve already rambled enough about my thoughts on human connections and our purpose being found in relationships with other people, so I don’t need to delve into that now. 

Okay I took a long break from writing and I forget where that thought was going, so I’ll just start from where my thoughts are at the moment.

A significant part of the peace corps experience is the isolation.  Leah made me a collage/letter/card before I left. On it was a quote by a past peace corps volunteer about the struggles one faces in the peace corps.  The quote was by a woman who said the hardest part of the peace corps isn’t the physical adjustments you make (i.e. no running water or electricity or the influx of rats you begin to sleep with every night), but the time you have by yourself with nothing to do but think. I’m only 7 months into my time here, but I would have to say I agree with her. 

Alison and I were just skyping (thank God for modern technology and for Alison)  a few hours ago, and we were sharing stories and thoughts about the isolation peace corps faces you to face.  No one will ever know or understand your two years at site.  There’s no way around this. No matter how much your closest friends or family members seek to genuinely comprehend and share your time away, it is impossible.  Even volunteers in the same country won’t fully grasp your experience, as you are in a different environment, different type of community, with different people.  You are isolated in your experience of being a stranger in a new culture, attempting to speak a new language, struggling to understand all that is new and all that you must adopt for two years. 

You might think I’m blowing this out of proportion, and maybe it’s true.  You might say, well you have an island of people to share your life and experiences with.  Yes, I live with an island full of people, but no matter how hard any of them try they will never fully understand me or my interpretation and/or feelings about different things in their societies.  They aren’t American and haven’t come from my culture. 

Therefore, I am alone in this experience. 

While I think it’s a good thing for me right now at this point in my life, it gives me the chance to figure out who I am and what I want and what I believe to be truth and what I can offer to the world, it makes me want my future experiences abroad to be shared with at least someone else. 

This is a hard thing for me recognize because I’m one of those people that likes to say you should eb pushed out of your comfort zone, you should live with people other than you, you should learn how to adapt to something new and you should be flexible enough to adopt different cultural beliefs and practices, yet here I am saying I think it’s good for people to experience time abroad with other people like themselves. 

It seems hypocritical.

I do think it’s important to be stretched and pushed and challenged by living with people different than yourself. I don’t think the world can know peace until relationships are formed across borders of race, religion, language ethnicity, political standing, and material wealth.  I don’t think we can truly know ourselves until these things are done, and until we learn the unwavering strength of diversity, however I think there is great value in having someone who understands you, who you can talk to, and grow with while you are in these new places experiencing life from a different perspective.  We need relationships.  Sometimes in order to fully understand something we need input from someone coming from a similar perspective as us who has a different interpretation of what’s new. They can help us discover what we are really seeing and feeling and thinking. 

I think what I’m feeling at the moment explains why the world is so divided and why people seem to resort back to the comforts of groups that are similar to them.

Basically, I don’t know what any answers are, and I’m grateful for this challenge I’m currently experiencing. I think it’s a good thing for people to be challenged in these ways, but I also don’t know if I want an entire life of such challenge, of being “alone” in my lives abroad. 

p.s. I think it’s obnoxious when I see large groups of foreigners abroad and I usually refuse to acknowledge their presence.  I think no matter what you do or where you go you should tread lightly so as not to disturb the order of things in your new community. 

I guess what all this means is I feel isolated in my time here, as it’s a time that only I will have. It’s neither a good nor a bad thing.  just something that will further contribute to the way I respond to whatever life reveals to me next.