The beginning of another journey

This is really strange.  I don't often share my rants and ramblings.  But, here I am. Beginning to blog.  I am beginning to blog.  To share my thoughts and concerns and joys and fears with whoever may stumble upon this page.  That's intimidating.  But, why not? Why not push ourselves from time to time?

 I am writing a blog to help me process all that I need to.  I'm also writing a blog to stay in contact with as many people as possible as I continuously try to understand this massively small world I have fallen in love with.

It's strange because I don't expect anyone to read this, but I write it as if someone will soon see these words.  Speaking of words (disclaimer: to everyone who has never read my writing before i tend to go on long insignificant tangents and very quickly loose focus on what i originally wanted to say.  my apologies from the beginning) i think it's incredible how words come alive.  they are different and new and significant in ways we can't imagine each time they are written and/or read.  the power words hold is almost frightening at times.

I recently returned from three amazing weeks in MA where I was greatly challenged and inspired by the people of the community i became a part of.  On our last day, after our last meditation, a man of great wisdom and peace...the kind of man who enters a room surrounded by an invisible but noticeable presence of grace and love strong enough to give each one of us hope for humanity...spoke with us about the significance of power.  We shared about our fears and our visions of power.  True power.  The power that can diminish hatred and fear; the power that can heal war torn countries and feed the stomachs of thousands; the power that can turn a bad day into a day of bliss; the power we, humans, each possess and have the ability to use as a gift to the world.  It was suggested that maybe we fear our power. We fear that power creates a hierarchy and a hierarchy manifests oppression and exploitation. But, what if, the power of love is able to transcend all outcomes we may fear and is a means of empowerment for all?  It sounds like "hippy" "idealistic" nonsense, but I think the power of love really does have the ability to change the world dramatically.  I hope that if my words are heard or read or interpreted or imagined that they are words of power.  Words capable of healing and loving and sharing and becoming.  Words for you and words for me.  Words for us.  All of us.

SO, now that i'm done contemplating the greatness of words, i'm on to the purpose of this blog.  I'm moving to the Philippines with the peace corps.  This is something i have literally dreamed of for at least ten years.  i feel weird saying that because it sounds like i'm one of those suck up peace corps kids who is trying to prove that the peace corps made the right choice in selecting her to serve for the next few years.  i don't think that's me, but maybe it is.  either way, whether i'm a peace corps suck up or not, i've been waiting and dreaming and thinking about this for many years.

when i say i've been waiting and dreaming and thinking about this for many years, i don't mean "this" as in the "philippines."  I'd say the Philippines is probably the only place i never even thought of going for the peace corps.  I assumed i'd be going to sub-saharan, most likely west, Africa.  there was something in me though that knew i should try to control this situation as little as possible.  it's when i let go and let the wind blow that i find myself in the most unexpectedly perfect places with the people i need at that point in my life.  I really know nothing about the world or life or anything beyond myself, actually i don't know anything about myself either, but i do know that i don't know.  i've learned everything i plan and everything i think is right is far from right and really doesn't work out.  so, i'm taking the approach of a sailboat blowing through the wind (i stole this metaphor from a friend). I have the ability to respond to the wind as it blows but i realize i can't control where the wind blows.  so, i move with it simply trying to avoid capsizing while taking in the sea mist, sun rays, stormy waves, and sometimes violent winds.

we'll see what's in store starting next week. i can only hope and pray life knows what it is doing and somehow sees the role i can play, placing me where i might be of use.  i pray i fall in love with the Philippines and its people. I pray for strength and clarity and wisdom and everything great i pray to someday be.

i promise i'm almost done.  i called this blog wonderings while wandering.  I did this because i've come to realize my only true talents are wondering about things and wandering around. i don't understand too much so i basically just question and contemplate...all the time about everything.  i also love new experiences, cultures, faces, and places.  my heart is a wandering heart.  it's on this search for purpose, this search for answers, this search to feel the lives of other people.  so i wander around trying to learn all that i can.  i hope that someday all this wandering and wondering will be able to be something i can give back to the world in some manner as right now i feel i hoard it all to myself.  my goal is that once i reach a point of discovery i'll be able to help transfer the knowledge that has been shared with my by those i meet on the many roads i walk to people who can be helped with it.  time will tell.

pizza is here, so i'm going to go.  whenever you want me to stop writing just bring me food.  it really works.  i'm going to leave you all with this song that sort of expresses my thoughts and feelings on this next stage of life.  it was shared with me by a wonderful friend just recently.  ignore the speaking part of the song cause that sort of goes against my whole "power of love" message.

that's something else i should share with all of you.  i'm a hypocrite so if things don't line up in my life, that's why.  i try hard not to be a hypocrite, but it's one of my many great faults.  i'm working on it.

have a beautiful night/day/whatever moment in time (time also boggles my mind)  it is when/if you're reading this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch8bDERRSQA