Computers for Schools

As many of you know I spent the last two years working at a school on a small island, Anda, of the Philippines. I'm currently talking to Leah about the experience and some of the activities I did with my students over those two years. While many parts of the Peace Corps were very hard I don't regret any of it because I got to spend two years with some amazing and beautiful youth. Young people that are truly capable of changing the course of their country's history.

I never had any desire to teach, let alone to teach English during my Peace Corps service. I had romanticized visions of the Peace Corps before leaving. I imagined myself in the middle of the African desert in a village where I would spend the morning working on maternal health projects, the afternoons making chapati with my neighbors, and nights watching the stars as my fire burnt out. I was going to have braided hair and wear vibrant fabrics. I was going to, finally, master the djembe and, finally, learn to dance. I was going to learn ancient wisdoms and experience villages raising children.

Then, D.C. spoke and told me I would be teaching English. I packed my bags and off I went. To teach. English. To say I was hesitant would be an understatement.

I got to my school and met 570+ incredible students. At first they weren't so sure about me. Luckily I grew on them. They began to share their lives with me and began to make me a part of their lives. It was an amazing privilege. They taught me so much about the world. Ancient wisdom was within each of them. For two years we wrote together and read together and played endless English games together and watched movies together and listened to music together. For two years I worked as hard as I could to figure out what it would take to get them to believe in their abilities as students and as people. For two years I struggled with classroom management, many days left without a clue on how to help students work through the issues they were facing that they carried with them to the classroom. For two years they helped me understand their lives, what they needed, what they wanted, and what I could do.

The students of ANHS are filled with so much joy and laughter. Their minds are able to conceptualize ideas mine could never create on its own. They are creative and lively; feisty and intelligent; determined and full of personality. The students of ANHS are ambitious and, like the rest of us, have great dreams for the future. Dreams of writing novels, going to medical school, starting businesses, and helping their community.

They are aware of the struggles they face. While many adults tell them that they, as the sons and daughters of fisherfolk and rice farmers, have little to look forward to in the future, they know that they are capable of defying the odds society has given them. They see the problems both their local community and country face, but they also see the solutions. And, I have seen their ability to turn ideas into reality, thoughts into action. I have seen their resilience and their persistence. I have seen them improve beyond what their teachers thought they were capable of. I have seen them take responsibility for their families and community, and I have seen them develop aspirations they hope to attain.

I, along with four other Peace Corps volunteers, are continuing to raise more money for computers for our students. ANHS had no textbooks let alone computers when I first arrived. We were able to accumulate enough written resources for the school, but ANHS still needs a few more computers in order to meet he needs of their students. These computers will be used to equip the students with necessary IT skills for college. A few more computers would allow all the students instead of just the top sections to take IT classes. Most of the world has access to computers. It is difficult for students to achieve their goals in todays world without IT knowledge. It's not impossible for them, but it's more difficult than it is for their peers. These computers will contribute to long-lasting academic and technical development for the students of Anda National High School.

Many of you have already donated to one or many of the projects I worked on in the Philippines. If you have, please please don't donate again. For those of you who haven't already donated and are interested in helping this computer project you can visit this website to donate: https://donate.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=492-407

You can also join our fb group at: https://www.facebook.com/events/202616856545786/

Thank you for your time, attention and continuous support.

P.S. I'm not sure why you can't click on the links, but you can copy and paste them in your browser if you're interested

a birthday celebration

Today, February 3rd, Super Bowl Day 2013, is Erica's 35th birthday. A day that should be filled with balloons, cake, joy, pizza, beer, raw smoothies, rugby, beards, jeepney top riding through the mountains of Sagada, hot baths, friends, laughter, lots of love and family. Today is a day to celebrate Erica and all that she has fought through, all that she has created, and all that she has shared with the world.

For those of you who don't know Erica she has just finished her last chemo treatment. Over the last few months she has met cancer with grace and strength, refusing to let cancer define her or dictate her outlook on life. Throughout this battle Erica has radiated with positivity, acting as an inspiration and encouragement to those who know her.

This isn't shocking though because that's who Erica is. She is fun and kind and full of life and positive and passionate and strong. She is stubborn. No one will tell her cancer will have the best of her just as no one will tell her she can't work with a rice farmers cooperative in the mountains. She is understanding but fierce and unwavering. She is true to herself and what she believes. Always searching for answers and more understanding.

I met Erica more than two years ago. We both had the AWESOME opportunity to spend three months living in Olongapo aka the city known for "Shit River," countless floods, prostitution and creepy-old-white-men. During those three months I didn't know Erica very well, but that changed and I'm very glad it did.

After training we were sent to two towns about 14 hours apart. Somehow the distance didn't keep us from connecting.Through PC events and other activities we were able to get to know each other better and spend more time talking, processing and just trying to make the most of our experiences.

One highlight of my time in the Philippines was an Easter trip to the mountains of Sagada. Erica loves Sagada. You can read her blog to hear more about this magical, mountainous, oasis. A land of culture, kind people, yogurt, community, history, and peace. I will never forget riding on top of jeepneys for hours through sprawling rice terraces, rocky cliffs, and refreshingly cold clouds. We spent hours in silence just taking in the fresh air and the freedom that comes with top riding. We spent hours talking to the farmers sharing the roof with us. We laughed as we shared our stories from site.

Erica was in her element on the roof of the jeep. She laughed and joked with the farmers. She was at ease as the jeep struggled to stay on the road. She sat tall and content as we wove our way through mountain passes.

We stopped in Banuae and Erica took us to her friend's hotel so we could shed a few bags before our hike in Batad. When we were at the jeep terminal Erica saw a couple people she knew. She greeted her Ate's and Kuyas with love and familiarity. It was evident that Erica brought each of these people joy. They had become a part of each other's lives. She knew about their families and she cared to hear more about their families. Everyone Erica meets is important to her and she puts effort into knowing people, no matter how long or short she has known someone.

The same happened in Sagada and Batad. In Sagada we ate at her friend's restaurant. Erica was of course warmly welcomed back and treated like family. In Batad Erica asked about a boy named Rambo she had met months before. Everyone knew him, and through him knew Erica. Because of Erica's warmth we were welcomed and given the chance to also become a part of these people's lives for the few days we spent in the mountains.

As we hiked through the terraces Erica asked questions about the history of the terraces, about our guides' family, about the giant earthworms that were wrecking the stability of the terraces, about the recent collapses, about the future of the terraces, about the daily lives of the people who lived in Batad. She was curious because she has a passion for people and a passion for culture. She wants to understand what she can to help protect livelihoods and histories. Her questions were filled with compassion and empathy.

But, Erica is also feisty and she stands firmly for what she believes. One of my favorite conversations with Erica happened in her kitchen. It was a conversation my soul needed. We secretly lit two cloves and sat on plastic stools in her kitchen so no one could see us smoking (girls don't smoke after all, especially not Peace Corps girls). She understood me and I understood her. We were able to share our frustrations, sadness, and desires. We discussed our fears and our pessimism. We offset those fears and pessimism with stories of rebirth and hope. Anger at the injustices around us fueled the conversation long past the time our cloves fizzled out. Whereas I am often weak and unsure how to respond to what i feel is wrong, Erica is strong and stands firm against what she knows is wrong. She is honest regardless of whether or not her words will please those she is speaking to. From there we talked about solutions, solutions neither of us were sure would work. It hurt Erica to think about the problems of the world. She carries the burdens of those around her.  She is convicted by what is right and good.  She is human and gets discouraged. But she is also human in that she wakes up the next morning with optimism and determination. The world needs all of this. It needs people to hurt for it, it needs people to feel, it needs people to contemplate solutions, it needs people  to be unsure, it needs people to know what is right and good and stand unwavering in support of those things. It needs people who care and are willing to fight for change however they are able and know how.

Erica is fun. Rum and cokes on beaches, sneaking into music festivals because we literally had no money for anything including food (good old empty atm's), dancing  to great and terrible music alike, hanging out at artist parties, eating cheese whiz and sky flakes, playing african drums in the Philippines...living life to the fullest. She doesn't let money or preconceived notions of societal success stand in her way. Nothing slows her down or gets her down.Erica lives life and Erica shares life with all those she interacts with.

For her birthday we can commit to caring for all of those she cares about, and decide to stand against the hate and the wrong that inhibits empowerment and equality. On this day we celebrate Erica and all that she is. All she symbolizes and all that she inspires within us.

p.s. check out erica's blog: http://ezimmer78.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/on-monday-my-mom-and-i-got-into-my.html

it's been a few months.

I have been back from the Philippines for five full months now. Time goes fast when you're not on island time. Since being back I've seen three seasons come and go. That's something I didn't see for two years. It's amazing how much the seasons contribute to your emotional concept of time and place.

Since leaving the Peace Corps I have been able to spend significant time with friends and family. You have no idea how significant a conversation is with someone who has seen all of you, someone who knows the best and worst parts of you, someone you can be honest with, someone you can trust completely, someone who knows your history and the reasons you are who you are today until you have lived a life that isn't your own. A life where you are constantly on guard of what you say, when you say something, and how you say it. A life where no one has any idea, and where most people have no desire to know, why you are the way you are. What events formed you, hardened you and softened you. A life where you can't express your true beliefs or defend what you are passionate about. A life where you can tell people about your history, but when you do you are considered a liar because you aren't describing the latest episode of The Kardashians, Gossip Girl, or America's Next Top Model.

Since being back I have rediscovered the significance of affirmation and physical contact. For two years the only physical contact I had with anyone, other than my dog who I could hold and pet, was negative. If someone wasn't lifting up my shirt to grab my fat in front of all the teachers in the canteen or grabbing me as I was trying to find a trike, I didn't have physical contact with anyone. Maybe a high five or two, but no hugs or hand holding. My students were amazing when it came to affirmation. They were amazing when it came to anything and everything. I dearly miss each of them, each for their own reasons. And, there were a few people I worked with who were encouraging and supportive,  but contestant criticism from most of the adults I was surrounded by wore me down. It wasn't only criticism. There were times when I was yelled at quite aggressively in front of other staff and students. There were meetings held without me to complain about the projects I was doing with and for the students. There were rumors started and conflicts started without my knowing. You come to realize that if you hear something enough you start to believe it regardless of how true it is. Whether or not it is actual truth it becomes truth in your mind and truth in the minds of the people around you. I've found that I get slightly upset when people now compliment me in any capacity because i "know" that those things aren't true and it frustrates me when people say things for the sake of saying them instead of saying truth. This is something a few of you have had to patiently work through with me (shout out to Rebekah). All this to say, it feels amazing to feel the warmth of another person picking you up from the airport or giving you a hug on his/her way to work or even to be adoringly pinched on the face and slammed into the wall (another shout out to Rebekah).

A significant thing I have come to slowly accept and know, is that men are good. I don't think I have ever hid the fact that I'm slightly sexist. I know it's not good. I'm not trying to justify it. But, over the last ten years I have had numerous negative experiences with men. Some of you have had to hear and rehear these stories more than you wanted as I try to process them and accept them and allow myself to heal from them. The Philippines didn't help my sexism. If anything it made it worse. Severely worse. Details are not important, and I know not all Pinoy men are bad. I even know the men I struggled with are not bad. But sometimes it's hard to match what we know with how we feel when you have no space. Now that I have space, now that I am separated from those moments, I can see that men are good. I have amazing men in my life in the states who I am very very grateful for. All of whom have helped me in different ways at different times, all who have faith in me, and all who show me goodness in their own ways. I have recently moved to Scotland for my masters. I am in a program that is predominantly male. I have met countless men over the last few weeks all from different countries and backgrounds, and each one has restored my faith in the world without knowing that's what they were doing.

SInce being back I have seen young people give up their seats on buses and trains for the elderly, seen strangers hold doors open for one another, I have watched countless people drop money in red buckets for the needy, I have had taxi drivers help me carry my suitcases rom the train station to a hotel instead of picking up passengers, I have had countless people offer me directions, I have talked to shoppers at the mall about their lost love ones during the holidays, I have seen people stop what they are doing to help someone carry something. I have seen compassion and consideration. All of these things have rejuvenated me and have restored me motivation.

By no means do I mean to criticize the Philippines or Anda. But, my two years in the Peace Corps definitely brought their struggles. To be sent off to an island that rarely sees a foreigner as a single, young, white, american girl includes a few challenges. To learn to work within a system you are morally opposed to for countless reasons takes time to adjust to. To adapt to a lifestyle that isn't your own, and one that has no privacy for you to make it your own, is exhausting. To forget who you are and what it is about the world that makes you passionate is frightening. To deal with the worst parts of yourself alone is frustrating. To see how weak you are and how much of the world you can't affect is disheartening. To watch terrible things happen to people you care about, and to hear students be told that they aren't capable of achieving what you know they are beyond capable of achieving, is angering. To hear and watch people deliberately hurt one another and refuse to support those who need help leaves you jaded and hopeless.

 I am very grateful, especially to my host family and my students, for giving me so much life and love and joy while I was in Anda. I am so blessed that all of these people have allowed me into their lives and offered to share their lives with me. I will always be grateful for them, and love them, and appreciate them beyond comprehension. I will always hope for the best for my students and try to help them however I can. However, I am glad for all that I am learning about the world since leaving the Peace Corps. I'm glad that my vision is being restored and that I'm slowly rediscovering myself.

**This post didn't mention the amazing volunteers who kept me sane during my time in the Philippines, and continue to inspire me. That post is coming soon